It was the same dream every night. I was Alice, falling into an abyss of nothingness, a black hole that sucked me. It would end the same way, with me waking up feeling empty and hollow with tear-stained pillows for company.
He was my hero, the man I loved the most, the one who taught me the value of love and life and how to choose and win my battles wisely, the one who would protect me from any harm that might be and yet beat me to a pulp over a game of chess.
And just like that, he was gone. With him, so was my faith. I questioned the Lord, why? Why me? Why didn’t you hear my cries of plea? Did they think a girl of 15 wouldn’t need her dad anymore?? hell no!
It would be ok they said, the cycle of life, all that is born has to go. I didn’t want the scriptural knowledge, I wanted to know what wrong I had done to deserve this? My life turned Topsy turvy and I could see only tumultuous oceans with no bridges.
Anxiety attacks and panicky evenings had become a part of my life. I dealt with them, one demon at a time, trying to make sense of it all. And yet I turned to faith, begging for a sense of peace and calm.
It has been 25 years now and even though my questions are still unanswered, all I’m left are memories of having samosa chai and getting beat down to a game of chess, with my superhero- my dad!
- This is the story of A.P